- Single Clap Pt 1 of 2 (Double Clap) S1, E107 https://anchor.fm/dickmatized-sex-mems/episodes/Single-Clap-Pt-1-of-2-Double-Clap-ef4dab
- Double Clap Pt 2 of 2 S1, E108 https://anchor.fm/dickmatized-sex-mems/episodes/Double-Clap-Pt-2-of-2-ef48cn
DICK Size: 8”
Body Type: Muscular/Fit
Exercise: Cross Fit
Job: Commercial vehicle maintenance
Marriage Status: Never Married
Kids: Currently Trying to Impregnate someone in order to pro-create.
Total # of D8s: 5
SEXual Relations? YES
Best SEX Position: Shower time from behind!
DICKmatization Rating [1 DICK (Low levels of DICKmatization – 5 DICKs (Maximum levels of DICKmatization achieved): 5
Playlist: HandClap by Fitz & The Tantrums, Rehab by Amy Winehouse, Safety Dance by Men Without Hats
I think I will kick off the story with a bang… or a CLAP I should say or a DOUBLE CLAP?! We’ll explain all the CLAPPING LATER FOLKS.
My stories beings with an old High School friend… sort of I should say, emphasizing on “sort of”.
I had some bold outgoing loud friends when I was in high school, surprising right? LOL! I learned a lot and got in a lot of trouble and of course got my cherry popped in HS like most other folks but we’ll talk about that some other time.
Recently, I rekindled my friendship with an my old gal pal blast from the past when I saw her out Country Dancing (which I love BTW) we had a both had mutual friend back in high school and neither of us talk to her any more (the story about this other girl could be its one story in itself!) … so red flag 1. There will be many red flag touch points in this story.
Initially, I would see her out dancing and when we would see each other, we would catch up a bit and then just go our separate ways. Eventually, we started really talking and hanging out again and of course DIsCKussing who we were dating and Fucking etc. I won’t say her real name. So, let’s call her Krazy with a K. “special K”. I’ll explain how she got her nickname l8er; she definitely earned her title KRAZY.
Krazy K’s story is nutz… RED flag 2.
I do try to recognize RED FLAGS AND I do TRY to listen to them. TBH sometimes, the Red Flags pop up and I MISS THEM UNFORTUNATELY. I think I kinda ignored the Flags in this situation and gave my old gal pal way too much credit based on our just being my old pal from my HS days…
So, About Krazy K, she is divorced, no kids and there is a shitty back story to that one. She can’t get pregnant and her ex is an airline pilot and also does hard drugs…unfortunately according to Krazy, prior to getting on a plane and flying it????!!!! WOW SCARES ME TO FLY NOW 4 SURE!!… all words from her so I can’t validate this story or if this is true. Krazy was married to a pilot that she was trying to get pregnant with. This is a key point in this story that I have to point out. I think now that her drug use and possible STDs she might have may have been preventing her from getting pregnant. Her ex ended up getting someone else pregnant while they where still married and moved back in with his mom with the new girlfriend. UGH, do feel bad for Krazy K on this point.
RED flag 3,4 and 5.
Moving on in to this story
As Krazy’s goal was to get preggers, she started fucking a group of willing bio Dads. Guy 1- this guy is still with someone else and wants to be with Krazy K, 2nd guy we will call him “Buddy Elf” is her ex’s BF and has been to drug rehab to many times to count in his life. Gury 3- this guy SHE really claims to like… now KEY to this story: ALL these guys promised her a baby… without commitment to help her out… BASICALLY THEY OFFERED TO FUCK AND IMPREGNATE HER. What great examples of GOOD MEN right??
Again, moving along in this story there is more but these are the key points.
So, one night a group of people and her roommate were all going to go to the State Fair then dancing… and we all were going to meet at Krazy’s place. We are all waiting for this dude nicknamed “Buddy Elf” to drive down from the northern part of the state bc that is where he lives as I later found out to stay close to REHAB. I am holding myself back on calling this a red flag at this point bc again like all these podcast you will learn I do have a big heart and I am caring and I have an open mind, so no judgment on rehab… however I do understand addiction is a daily battle… and I am not knocking anyone that is trying to get help and get clean. I know we all slip up and fuck up and make mistakes… hence this story.
So, we are waiting for Elf to get there and we are already late… I did buy his Fair ticket prior to us meeting me… See I am a nice girl!
So, he FINALLY gets there and he is on the phone and we are in the other guys truck JUST WAITING for him to get in the truck. Lotta just waiting on this fucking guy. So, he finally drops his shit off in her house (he’s staying the night obvi as he is on the list of impregnators) … and then he FINALLY jumps in the truck AND IS STILL ON THE PHONE YELLING AT some girl (Yes y’all this is another RED FLAG) … WE ARE ALL LIKE WTF?!! Note: at this time, I hadn’t even officially introduced myself to “Buddy Elf” or let him know I had his Fair Ticket for him. I am sitting in the front seat and hang out and talking to the guy driving… Buddy Elf still on the Goddamn phone. We head to gas station and everyone gets out to get something. Buddy Elf finally gets off the F’ING phone and heads into the gas station… no HI nice to meet u NO nothing in the way of greeting the others in Fair outing party. Finally, Krazy introduces us.
Now I can’t deny how hot this guy was. Blue eyes, tall and sexy. I could tell this guy was gonna be TROUBLE from the very beginning… obviously I was wanting me a little of that TROUBLE! Knowing a little of his story and that Krazy was trying to get preggers by him I shoulda stayed away…but I was like a MOTH TO THE FLAME burned by desire (Thanks Janet!)
So, we decide it would be a good idea we do a group text chat to keep everyone connected at the Fair which has millions of folks as we all know … so, I said okay that is fine and I gave my number. This is how Buddy Elf got my digits.
So, we are all drinking and having fun at the Fair… I head to the bathroom bc I had to pee. then low and behold guess who texts me while going to the bathroom in a separate text all on his own??? BUDDY FUCKIN’ ELF
As I am pissing, … I did not initially respond…. pause…. AND then AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT I respond. Annnddd we are off to the race’s sports fans!!! The rest of the night we all continued our FAIR FUN, rode rides, drinking ETC but now back on the group text.
So, we all head out everyone is about to go Country dancing but for some reason BUDDY ELF needs to go back to Krazy’s house to SLEEP??!! So, we all do leave him to go Dancing. As we are leaving, he does seem to be a bit whiny/pouting/tired.
Fast forward 1 week: I get a WILD HAIR UP MY ASS and start texting BUDDY ELF. I KNOW WTF AM I THINKING HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG. So, in the spirit of full disclosure and friendship I tell KRAZY that Buddy and I were getting’ to know each other…….
BEGIN THE SHIT SHOW FOLKS…
So Krazy starts to blow up both my and Buddy’s celly wanting to know what was up?! Was I thinking’ about fuckin’ her baby daddy??
So, Buddy Elf and I really had already began texting and calling each other at this point and had made plans for our first official D8 of bowling and dinner. This is where he first kisses me while we were bowling. It was a nice kiss sweet and caring.
SO, we leave bowling and head out for dinner, drinks and UFC fighting. We were having a good time and started talking to a guy at the bar with us and had a friendly bet on who was going to win.
Things were going well OR SO IT SEEMED AT THE TIME.
Yes, some people are going to hear this and say that guy went to rehab, why is he drinking? Upon retrospect, probably wasn’t the best idea of a recovering Drug and Alcohol addict to be doing. I tried to be encouraging and supportive and stated several times to show support I would also not drink….well anyway we did have the drinks and go back to my place and YES we make out and have PROTECTED SEX… and it was GOOOOODDDD OHHHH GOD…… he ended up staying the night.. ………. All good nice time and I went about my day and weekend.
Sunday came around and I had my kiddos (every other weekend rotation with the X). Having a lazy normal Sunday with the Fam and all the sudden KRAZY CALLS………. I did not share with her that Buddy Elf and I had JUST FUCKED LAST NIGHT as she had already gone wild about us just talking.
REMEMBER KRAZY has 3 guys on the side TRYING TO IMPREGNATE HER (everyone is a willing participant BTW and obviously you can’t practice safe sex if you are trying to get preggers!!). Buddy Elf was not Krazy’s most compatible biological donor. He complained about her in bed and that she just laid there on her back with barely NO movement. SHE in turn complained about him to me that his dick was too big. Humm can’t relate. Because BIG DICK is good in my eyes… never seen too BIG a DICK personally!!
She also confirmed, or I guess this was stupid at the time that she gave us “permission” to text and talk bc he is only there for her to be a BIO DONOR. Buddy Elf never wanted to commit to Krazy and she never wanted to commit to him and she was pursuing some other guy that she liked and he liked her but he had a girlfriend that he is trying to leave, but was not happening but she would go see him and they would FUCK of course.
So, Buddy Elf and her had some sort of odd thing going on back and forth for years… he would stay at her place, do some laundry and fuck like Krazy and tryin’ to get her pregnant. TBH he would stay with Krazy bc he really does not have a place of his own… bc wait for it……………… he was in and out of JAIL.
SO, REHAB, in and out of JAIL. He was employed now though, working on commercial trucks when they broke down, so he was making money.
So, in my eyes he was trying. and I was like okay I am going to give him a chance.
Back to Sunday and Krazy calling me. So, Krazy was starting to have a problem with the sitch, bc she was like HEY BUDDY blew me off this weekend and didn’t CUM over to my house??!!! So, I tell her Buddy and I had been “hangin’ out” …… and YUP low and behold she wanted to know if we had been fuckin’. So, I told Krazy, is between me & Buddy Elf and it’s actually NUNYA BIZNASSS. She loses and her SHIT and is blowing me up with: “do what u want but I THOUGHT you WERE MY FRIEND?!” I reassure her that I am her friend by sharing what was going on with me and Buddy Elf. I could see this was going nowhere so I quickly hang up…
So, she proceeded to BLOW BOTH MINE AND Buddy Elf’s text UP. I finally had to tell her to knock it the fuck off and grow the fuck up!!
I didn’t know that he was still talking to her on the side and he had never really told her to back off of him….
So, I have kiddos so I can’t engage in this day-to-day BS because I’m busy with the Fam….so my next free weekend came up and Buddy Elf was planning on coming down to see me and stay with me. WE FUCK and it was good and awesome and bc I was stupid, I trusted him and we did not use protection. We did it several times that weekend… UNPROTECTED.
A couple days pass and I start feeling odd and smelly and burning below while I pee. so, I got get an STD test. My Dr. did a same day blood test bc they were worried. turns out he gave me Gonorrhea. AKA THE 1st SINGLE CLAP.
THAT was hard for me to hear. I was like OMG, no way. My Doc prescribes me a 1-Day pill and then NO SEX FOR 10 DAYS and told me to tell the source of the STD and to also encourage my partner to tell his previous partners. So, I did I call him and tell him……….
He admits that he had been sleeping with his ex …and I said okay u need to let her know… and he needs to get the pill and ALSO needs to tell Krazy and for some reason he feels like he does not need to tell her and he seems to be scared to tell her and he thinks he SOMEHOW didn’t give it to her??? Bc he slept with her before he slept with all of us……???
So, all and ALL this is the point where you would be like it was nice knowing you and CLAP OUT OR TAP OUT LOL
NO not me. SO, AFTER 1ST CLAP is cured…. he apologizes and wants to try again. I cave and say OK.
2nd ROUND OF CLAP BEGINS…. AKA DOUBLE CLAP.
This time I went up to meet hm and stay with him and be part of his world… so we hang out and go eat and drink and then go back to his place and I wanted to have sex with BUT WITH A CONDOM.
And of course, he did not wat to use one and he used the guilt game to say u don’t trust me?? UH Hell No, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice SHAME ON ME. The next week I went straight to the doctor and found out I had it again!!!!!!!!
DAMN, DOUBLE CLAP.
RED FLAG # ONE MILLION.
FOR THE 2ND TIME, got the 1-day pill and told Buddy AGAIN he needs to stop PASSING THE CLAP AND get this shit cured ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!
… HE gets mad at me….
SO, I get DOUBLE CLAP AND Krazy is slandering my name over the dance crew and EVERYBODY IS MAD, EVERYBODY HAS CLAP, BUT NO ONE IS PREGNANT.
WTF MAJOR DOUBLE SEX life lesson learned. SAFE SEX EVERYONE x 2!!!
- What is “The Clap”?? – Gonorrhea, sometimes called the clapor the drip, is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that affects both women and men. It is caused by a bacterial infection that is transmitted by having oral, anal, or vaginal sex with a person who already has gonorrhea, The infection is spread through semen and vaginal fluids, but it can infect the eyes, mouth, and throat in addition to the vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, urethra, and anus. Gonorrhea has been around as early as the 1500’s and there are many theories as to the origin of the slang terms: the clap and the drip. Gonorrhea has been called the clap for potentially hundreds of years. Slang terms for STDs are often common due to the social stigma around talking about them. For more information on STDs visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention “CDC”. https://www.cdc.gov/std/
- Where can I get more info on substance abuse and/mental health? SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration – US Dept of Health, is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information. https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline